I was also searching for God thinking I could find Him in some psychedelic experience or by learning about religions. I spent some time learning about many religions and trying them. Of course, this never led to a real knowledge of God and a proper relationship with Him, therefore I kept searching. This is the kind of young man I was.
I lived with several friends who also were “seekers.” Some cared more about the search than others, but we all were looking for truth and meaning. We began to form a plan to go on the road and visit the Rainbow Gathering and then travel to New York for a re-do of Woodstock. This plan never happened because I was saved by the grace of God before it could. By an act of Providence God sent the Gospel to me in a book that I thought was about Satanism. The book was called “Satan is Alive and Well on Planet Earth” by Hal Lindsay which I found in the New Age section of a bookstore. Those familiar with the book would know that the book shows from the Bible what sin is and teaches what the Bible says is the only way of salvation: Jesus Christ.
I found this very interesting and started to share it with my friends. I was also starting to feel very terrible about my drug usage and began to sense that what I was doing was wrong, or evil, in the sight of God. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was coming under the conviction of the Spirit of God who was convincing me that I was a sinner. My friends did not share my interest and thought my desire to turn from drugs and our actions was strange. One person I lived with felt the book I had purchased was evil and destroyed it.
It happened one morning after an argument with a roommate (really a debate of sorts) that God chose in His Sovereign mercy to make Jesus known to me. We were debating whether Jesus was the truth and whether or not the devil was real. I thought I could prove that the devil was real by trying to provoke a demon in another roommate by using the name of Jesus on him. He did become upset when I used the name of Jesus, and I used that as an opportunity to the win the debate! “See, demons!” I remarked to my opponent. She became quite upset and left the apartment. This did shock me a little, and wondered if there really was power in the name of Jesus or was she just upset about the argument. I decided to try to find out and went outside looking for her.
I found her kneeling in the grass behind our apartment crying. I went over to speak with her and when I put my hand on her shoulder to get her attention, there came what I can only describe as a "breaking" within my chest and some sort of release. I believe what the Lord was doing was setting me free from demonic oppression because I had involved myself in the occult.
In the next moment I was being filled from the top of my head and throughout my whole body. I felt something physically wash over my eyes and was seeing a wonderful and brilliant light filling me. The emotion of it was absolute peace, joy and love. It was like a cleansing and a washing and a filling. There was also a sensation of being home and a sense of belonging that is beyond words. And without question I knew that this was God Himself filling me, coming inside me.
I was amazed at this and also struck by the fact that although I knew that this was the hand of God, I did not know Him. So, in my heart I asked a simple question: "Who are you?" The Lord immediately answered me directly, not by an audible voice, but by revelation, "I am Jesus." The immediate revelation was that Jesus is Almighty God, Maker of Heaven and Earth. I knew at that moment that the True and Living God is Jesus Christ.
My next thought was to pray, and I prayed aloud these words, "Lord, if we have been deceived all this time, open our eyes that we may see." From that moment I was a different man. The next thing Jesus showed me to do was to get a Bible and read it, which I did. And now I hear the voice of the Son of God in the Holy Scriptures. Jesus said that His sheep hear His voice and will not follow a stranger. The voice of God, or the very speaking of God, is the Holy Scriptures.
I only share this so that it can be a small testimony of the grace of God that is in Christ Jesus. I would to God that everyone would taste the grace of God and be saved, but they will not be. What happened to me so many years ago is described in the Bible:
In Titus God says of His salvation, "But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Spirit; which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour; that being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life." Titus 3:4-8
This is the salvation of God. This is the mercy of God. And this is what God did for my soul and every person He ever saves.
